IF everything went according to plan....

Life would be boring. Do you KNOW how often I say that? I think I made it my mantra and I didn't realize it until a year or so AFTER I started saying it. I'll never forget it. The first time I said it John and I were in the Explorer heading to my granny and pa's house for some reason or another. They live on a beautiful farm with lots of trees and cows and an awesome garden. Unfortunately they are now in the city limits. John and I were looking at the landscape and I was talking about how much it has changed just in my lifetime. Often people miss how much things change....especially if you're there ALL the time. It's amazing how things have changed. Again...If everything went according to plan.......

Do you ever wonder why somthing doesn't work out? Srsly? Ever wonder? Take, for instance, that AWESOME batch of soap you had planned to make for Christmas gifts. You had it all planned out, right? You were going to use Shea and Cocoa butters, with some Wheat Germ (not too much), a touch of Borage, an even smaller amount of Emu, maybe some Moyrah butter and then the regular stuff that helps formulate that awesome bar you love so much. You created this kick ass essential oil blend. It's COLD outside. So you wanted something that would warm the hearts of your loved ones. You chose Clove, Black Pepper, Patch (yep it works) and a few other "secret" ingredients. You had it all planned out. As you pour your soap into the mold and prepare to swirl you realize....you FORGOT to add the essential oils at the slightest of trace. You know why, right? Because you were SO afraid it would trace too fast and you were moving faster than Wyle E on a stick of dynomite.



You got that "perfect" swirl but......If everything went according to plan.

Ever have one of those friends? They come into your life ever so casually...You teach each other a thing or two. Talk about things you don't talk about too often FOR A REASON. Share a few good laughs and then......Nothing. It's almost as if this person has completely dropped off the face of the Earth. You ask yourself if you've done something wrong. Send an email asking if everything is OK. Nothing. If everything went according to plan.....

Ever wonder HOW or WHY you are where you are? Like... when you were a kid, I'm 33, so... in the '80s when retro music was HOT and big hair and high-top Reeboks were all the rave...Did you ever stop to imagine that your thoughts and dreams would ACTUALLY come out differently? Hell no. You had it all planned out. It was going to be "just so" and you knew it could never be different than that. If everything went according to plan.....

Ask yourself this.
Self....how many times have we made plans that had to go exactly right or everything would fall apart?
If you're like me.... far too often.
Do you ever wonder what would happen if you had married that other "special" someone?
Or if you hadn't met your best friend?
Or if you weren't a military brat and traveled the world because of your dad's job?
Ever wonder WHAT you were thinking when you thought getting a specific tattoo was the right thing to do?
Ever wonder why it is you NEVER got said tattoo?
Ever wonder WHY those who make the first pot of coffee MUST grab a cup BEFORE it finishes brewing? DAMN, that pisses me off.
Ever wonder why it is that you let things bother you WAY more than you really should when you know nothing you say or do will make the situation different?
Ever wonder WHY you get toe jam? I don't....but my daughters do. EEEEWWWWE!
Ever wonder why the love of your life (God love him) SNORES so fucking loud? And WHY does it happen that he rolls over and snuggles up MIDsnore! UGH!
Ever wonder why morning breath has to be SO bad?
Ever wonder why people get sick?
Why people die?
Why the sky is blue?
Do cows drink milk?
Why do shark have so many teeth?
Why do I always have to eat PEAS?
Why is my daddy bald and yours isn't?
Do you ever wonder why some people think they are better than everyone else? You know the ones. They walk a certain way and there is an aire about them. You know. You walk into Starbucks and get your usual coffee....You know a venti pumpkin spice latte with 6 shots, no whip, extra foam and sprinkles.....Surely enough to keep you awake for a bit. There you stand, mp3 in the ears and not bothering a soul. The barista begins to chat with you and you remove said earbuds so you can chat. you chat chat chat away and then it happens. Said "I'm better than you" person decides to come and stand right in front of you. RIGHT in front of you. Now c'mon. It was bad enough when you were ordering and this schmoe was touching you because s/he felt the need to stand so close that you could SMELL the onion breath s/he had....unless it was morning breath because said schmoe forgot to brush. EEEEEEEEEWWWWE! Yep... it's happened. You're USUALLY a nice person and try to let it roll off your back. Not this time. Ya know.....before you know what hit you this is what rolls off the tongue "Alright LOOK! It was bad enough you walked right into me because you were too busy talking on your TOTALLY outdated cell phone. I got over that. THEN you stood SO close to me I had to smell the phunk that is eaking out of your mouth and I could SEE the plaque on your teeth. Dude, do you OWN a toothbrush? Here's a couple bucks. GO BUY ONE! I got over that too. NOW...As I am waiting here for my coffee and TRYING to chat with a friend you waltz over here like you are the PRESIDENT or something and stand RIGHT in front of me. WHAT the HELL is your problem?".......It's totally quiet in the place and you realize you JUST said that OUT LOUD. Said schmoe looks you right in the eye and says "Oh, I didn't see you and I'm late". Well SO.....Step off my crocs, get your goofy ass out of my face and wait your turn like the rest of us. GAW! This schmoe looked at ME, rolled his eyes and moved. All I could do was laugh after that. I mean SERIOUSLY! Are people REALLY this rude!?!? If everything went according to plan.....

You know.....I missed Christmas Day this year. I've been having headaches BAD headaches for a while now. Ibuprofen and Tylenol would benefit from me being on their B.O.D. Christmas Eve was nice. We went to lunch with the in-laws and to my new favorite place. The mexican food in Tennessee is NOTHING like the mexican food in California or the Southwest. But...what do you do? Good conversation and a decent afternoon. We had Christmas Eve with my parents and my great-aunt Ruth. She's funny. I got tired early which is weird for me. Just hanging out and nothing real special. We even bowed out early so we could finish Santa's job. We were up until after 1 wrapping and getting finished. I had to stop. I was wiped out. I new I had to get up early to make blueberry muffins (yes from scratch) to take for Christmas breakfast. GAWD....my head is killing me. I went through the motions of opening presents and watching the girls with theirs. Everyone seemed to like their stuff. I had to go lay down. John came to check on me and I just bawled. I told him I couldn't go to breakfast and they would have to go without me. I bawled some more. Hours later I wake up to John telling me he was checking on me and my dad was here to see me too. UGH.... what time is it? I lost 3 hours. I got up to hug my dad and cried. He told me I needed to get checked out. I will. I go back to bed and sleep. Hours later John comes to check on me and I can't see.....My head is pounding and I am in SO much pain. Death would be less painful. He asks what he can do and all I can say is "make it stop". He calls my dad and is told I need to go to the ER. I didn't argue. I MUST be sick. Ugh...Spend Christmas Day in bed and Christmas night in the fucking ER! GAW! Everyone at the ER were really nice. No nastiness like I am used to experiencing when there for other folks. Got right in (well... you know) and they listened to me. WOW! I told them about my noggin and they said I should get a CT. Kewl. I can do that. I had to take out my nose ring but the guy was kewl about it. The dude that issues the CT is some "big wig" at the hospital and answers to a guy that John knows personally. KEWL. Said dude says one ventricle is larger than the rest and a Neuro needs to check it out. Well...DUH! I was born with Hydrocephalus. One ventricle IS going to be larger. NO problem. I got a KILLER migraine cocktail right in the hip and DAMN did it hurt. I held down the Sprite and they said I could go home. They were going to give us a list of docs for the referral but I like to do my OWN research and doctor finding. SO....This was how I spent Christmas. I missed it. THEN I came home and slept all but 3 hours of the day AFTER Christmas, all but about 4 hours of Saturday...managed to stay awake for 9 hours yesterday and here we are on Monday morning. When I should be sleeping I am setting here typing on my laptop and listening to round 3 of the same set of stories on CNN....or should I say HLN. WHY does every news channel feel it necessary to abreviate everthing? I suppose there are worse things in life. I do wish Dr dude would call or email back so I can get my referral and head to the Neuro. I don't know what it is. If it's a block they better figure it out and fix it. If it's moving too fast...DAMN....make it stop. If I have to have surgery I think I have convinced myself that I want to shave my head. I don't know why though. I was growing my hair out to donate it. Maybe this is my way of starting fresh. Maybe???? I do know that I want a new tattoo.....Do you know what it is? Guess.....














If everything went according to plan....life would be boring.




If you've made it this long you are a braver soul than me. If you've made it this long do you have any idea what I can eat for breakfast? I'm hungry. I have a headache. DUH! Yeah...my neck is stiffer than it was yesterday. The headache is coming back and I am getting tired of this. Maybe I will grab some food and another cup of coffee.. Happy New Year folks!

Spirit Jump and other ramblings

Spirit Jump

Is awesome. Moonmaiden (Love ya Dana) made me aware of this blog a couple of days ago. I emailed Meaghan and told her I want to help. I have my first person to send a Spirit Jump to and I am so happy about that. My "person" for her own anonymity will remain nameless. She is close to my age and has breast cancer. She, like so many others, has been through so so much. I don't know...I feel the need to pamper those who "have issues".

I know that A LOT of you know I was born with water on the brain and have a vp shunt and the whole 9 yards....blah blah blah. Nothing special there. Standard procedure surgery at 3 days old and then a tube extension at age 7. Shaved head and all. Doc in Florida said as long as I don't grow to 6 ft I'm in good shape. No fear of that. 8o) I listen to my mom talk about how the doctors said "I would be nothing more than a vegetable and for my parents (who were "too young" to be parents) to just put me in a home because the home would take better care of me than they would." Hmmm...K. Well...I'm 33, definitely NOT a vegetable, married and a mommy to two little monsters who pretty much blow my mind every waking minute. I guess this is why I am so partial to those with "challenges". Hydrocephalus does not define me. It does not prevent me from living my life. I do have my limitations but my life is completely normal and full of love and wonderful experiences. I used to be bitter because other kids would make fun of me because I simply could not run a mile. I still can't run. I get hellacious headaches and it feels like bricks are being pounded into my noggin. I get headaches. But I know the difference between those that are "normal" and those which could be problematic. Point being....I understand. If one were to look at me one would never know. I am your typical tattoo loving, pierced mom of two who loves to change hair color like underwear. Yeah... pretty retarted. I have compassion for those who are viewed as different from the norm. I have compassion for those who FEEL different than the norm. I have anger towards those who treats people differently. We are ALL different. We all have our own story.

When I found Spirit Jump a huge ray of sunshine appeared. Srsly. I was setting here reading my email (it's neverending) and Etsy messages. I found the post about Spirit Jump and a light bulb came on. How KEWL is this? I emailed Meaghan and told her to hook me up.

Look....We're all in this together. I know folks from all walks of life. FAR too many people in my world think they are SO much better than other people. Today, for instance, at my girls' Christmas parties at their school. One mother in one of my daughter's class thinks she is the shaznasty. She IS the IT mom. She walks around like she is worth a million dollars and as if the world owes her something. HARDLY! I ALWAYS make stuff for the kids to take and share with their friends. This time I made bath fizzies. I made baskets for the teachers and fizzies for the kids. She seemed to be upset that the strobe light was not on her for a brief moment and on me instead. The kids got the biggest kick out of those rutarded bath fizzies. They wanted to eat them...PLEASE DON'T! It was so fun to see their little faces light up. My Camryn's teacher recently had a hysterectomy. My Katie's teacher just had a baby on Monday. Yep.. they needed to be pampered. But so do the substitute teachers. I don't think this mom liked that. To which I say.....'Tis the season for giving and it ISN'T about you OR your "perfect" hair. UGH! There I go rambling and getting of track again. Like I always say.... We are in this together. We all need to get along. I'm sorry if we don't share the same beliefs. I'm sorry if my view of your world does not match with yours. Such is life.

Where was I again? Yes, the gift of giving. Spirit Jump. is my kind of thing. I can give to someone who needs a little pick me up and do it over and over and over. I LOVE Random Acts Of Kindness. I love sending little somethings to people and seeing their smiles or reading their joyful emails. It makes ME happy. We're all in this together and if my little selfless act will make someone's day then I am all about that. You should check out Spirit Jump and maybe do one yourself.

Merry Christmas everyone. If you are in my "daily" circle I will see you soon. If you aren't may your Christmas be blessed, full of joy, friendship and soapy hugs.

always,
Anhoki

Help Me Choose New Scents For Shampoo Bars

OK...So I have some time to create new shampoo bars for the new year. I've purchased several scents for them but....well...what do you guys like? I am one who doesn't want to be married to just one scent. I like many different kinds too. One day I'll do a Vanilla and the next I'll do an herbal or fruity type. I've set up a poll for you. Pick your favorite(s). If yours isn't listed leave me a comment. I'll be making new shampoo bars very soon. The most popular scent will be listed first. Merry Christmas everyone.

Twas The Night Before Christmas... For Moms

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the abode\Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping all snug in their beds, while Visions of Nintendo and Barbie flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle propped on his knee.So only Mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, "Now what is the matter?"

With the toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug, "Oh, great," muttered Mom, "now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho Ho Ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake, your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is time alone." "Exactly!" he chuckled, "So, I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" she muttered, "What good is that?" "Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit chat"
Then out walked the clone - The Mother's twin; Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.

"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young and The Restless." "Fantastic!" the Mom cheered. "My dream has come true!" "I'll shop, I'll read, I'll sleep a night through!"

From the room above, the youngest did fret. "Mommy? Come quickly, I'm scared and I'm wet." The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." "Hey," the Mom smiled, "she sure knows her part."

The clone changed the small one and hummed her a tune, as she bundled the child in a blanket cocoon. "You're the best mommy ever. I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, "And I love you, too."

The Mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. That's my child's *love* she is trying to steal." Smiling wisely, Santa said, "To me it is clear, Only one loving Mother is needed here."

The Mom kissed her child and tucked her in bed. "Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long, when they'll be too old for my cradle and song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time." With the clone by his side, Santa said, "Good night. Merry Christmas, dear Mom, you will be all right."

As The Soap Lathers....I LOVE IT!

K...I know not a lot of people read my blog and that is totally kewl. However, this is definitely worth the read. I am a member of the CYA Etsy Street Team. I love you guys! We have SO much fun during our weekly threads. Well we now have a following. It is SO funny. scgoddess.etsy.com who claims to NEVER make soap and only buy it from the awesomeness of Etsy wrote the following. I want to thank her for brightening my day and, quite frankly, my week. With Christmas and the New Year brings times of busyness and stress. This made me laugh SO hard that I cried. We have officially made her our team jester and she seems to be fulfilling her duties VERY well. Merry Christmas everyone and may all of your soap lather as well as ours....


"I confess - I am a CYA groupie :) I do not make soap, never will - but I will buy from the best - Etsy soapers. You guys are hysterical - I get my daily jollies from your adventures.
Sit back, have some coffee and chocolate (you know you want it) and enjoy my take on your thread. This may run a little long but that is your fault, not mine.
o O
o o AS THE SOAP LATHERS O O
....cue the organ music.....Narrator's voice (could it be Dennis behind that 'stash?)
On this week's episode of ATSL......

....will anyone make it through the week without illness?? Loyal followers of ATSL know to keep Lysol spray beside the keyboard to protect from viral ooze.

.....will there be an explosion of soap in the mold??

....will the Feds discover the secret identities of Swan and Anhoki?? We all know them by their alternate personas - enforcers for the Soap Mob.

.....who will be arrested for stalking their UPS/FedEX/USPS carrier??

.....how much hair will be torn out because of supply snafus??

....will anyone raise their goggles and have a lye accident??

......will this be the week that there are no NPB and the sale fairy visits everyone?

......will more children be forgotten at school/activities while soapies work?

.....Most importantly: who will be the first to break out the wine/margaritas/Jack/alcohol du jour?

Found on EVERY episode of ATSL:

...generous mentoring
...unlimited support
...loving compassion
...tolerance of differences
...wild, wacky, off the wall humor

Please forgive me for posting here - I simply could not resist. Keep up the fab soapy work."
Posted at 12:17 pm, December 10 2008 EST