Thursday, August 16, 2012

As One Chapter Ends Another Begins

I hope those of you who actually put forth the effort to read my posts are putting butt to chair  when reading this one. 

Those who know me (even remotely) know I keep everything.  I have email dated all the way back to 1996 (NO JOKE).  Some may even loosely say I hoard in some cases.  Our basement was THE place for supply boxes to live out the rest of their days and even possibly become a temporary home for the critters that pass through Tennessee basements.  This was the case for those that did not have the luxury of being packing material for candles and glass creations or did not make their way to the recycling center.  I found supply boxes from 2004.  Over the last several weeks we have rid ourselves of most of these boxes.  Yeah us!

As I listen to the roofers tear down our old shingle roof, remove the biodegradable one underneath (never heard of such a beast before this experience) and put on our new and VERY awesome metal roof I ask myself WHY I am still holding on to all of this crap that I am clearly NOT using.  All I could say to myslef was "I "MIGHT" use it someday"....and when I laughed and told myself I KNOW I won't....I knew in my heart if not in my head it was time to let it go. 

I just filled one of those HUGE lawn and leaf bags and haven't really made a dent in the supplies I plan to toss.  I found the box of lids I was looking for 4 years ago.  I found the perfume bottles I misplaced and replaced twice.  I found oils I haven't seen in almost 2 years and are well past rancid.  Extracts for my lotions, deodorants, conditioners etc....I felt bad at first and even shed a few tears.  I couldn't believe I was tossing ingredients I used to drool over and dream about.  I'm well on my way and still have so far to go.  

Why am I doing this? 

Because I want my house back.  I want my dining room to be an actual dining room and not a room for housing supplies.  I want my glass space to be a glass space and not a place to house supplies I no longer have a desire to use.  I want the family room to be just that.  I like walking down the stairs and through the dark basement and KNOWING I am not about to trip over a box and wonder "who put THAT box there". 

I have SO many things I want to make and so many things I want to do to this house and I can't because I am hanging on to a past I no longer wish to hang on to. 

Making soap is what I USED to do.  I still make candles.....LOVE making candles.  I still create my own scent blends and LOVE doing that.  Making soap, lotion, lip balms, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner and whatever else I could think of.....I'm no longer in that place.  And...honestly...I LOVE putting on a t-shirt and knowing it doesn't have oil stains on it.  It's been a long time coming but...Verbena Blends helped me realize it is OK to move on.  I know she will say "Wha......".  She wrote a post a short while ago that made me think.  I thank her for that. :)

I'm slowly learning to love my scarred and callused hands.  They are rough from being in water and dealing with so much glass and alcohol and using pliers with stainless steel rings for hours and hours.  I've learned to work around the hand cramps and locking knuckles.  I love the sound of my Dremel.  I love my drill and love to grind glass.  Do I cuss?  MORE-so now than before. I'm coming up with new and creative ways to drop the F bomb and dig one more piece of glass out of my hand I realize this event is taking place because I am making something I love.  AND....that something that I love with be with me longer than it takes me to run through it in several showers. 

John brought up the kewlest thing the other night.  As I turned the lamp off he asked me how if felt to know the vast majority of lighting I use in this house was made by my hands.  I didn't really put it together before but almost ALL of the lighting I use in this house..."I" MADE.  The chandelier in my workspace....I made that.  The lamp I use when it's late late and the kids are sleeping and I don't want to wake them up with the overhead  lighting...I made that one too.  Both lights in the living room and the table lamp in our bedroom....I made those, too.  The glass curtains in the house....I made those, too.  It feels good to say that.

Am I sad to be giving up something I loved for so long?  I can't say I'm sad to let it go.  I CAN say I'm happy I experienced it all and have memories that will last a lifetime.    

AS one chapter comes to an end...another begins.


Jodi @ Happy House Quilts said...

Peace can now enter your heart. Thank you for sharing!

Nancy Liedel said...

You have to follow your own joy. Not what you think others want. I've changed my visions over my lifetime, many times. I soap, make cosmetics and lotions and I am happy. I also crochet, happy. I used to sew more, but I am not cut out to do that as often as I need to.

I also made a fabulous living teaching Fortune 500 law firms, "Word." The market is gone and I was on the road all the time. I'm happy now. Not delirious, not stupidly, but happy. And you should be happy too. Your home should inspire you, not defeat you. You see that and you are many steps ahead of those who are at a crossroads and will not allow themselves to move in a different arena

You are heroic. Even if you don't feel like it. Although I love your work and am going to miss it dearly. I will be very excited to see what comes next.

mint_pudina said...

m so happy for you..
knowing that you, yourself, know what you want!

Colleen, the soap lady at Enfleurage Organics said...

I came across this blog just as I was moments away from turning off my computer because I am moving my office out of my dining room. Like you, I want my home to be MY HOME. I enjoyed every word you wrote and I loved the light trail you created with your own hands.
I hope, by now, that the dust has settled, you've reclaimed all of your spaces and LOVE what is moving in as the old stuff moved out.
I'm off to do the move! Thanks for the kewl blog. The Universe sent it to me.

Lisa BTB said...

I can relate! I've had these thoughts rolling around in my head for some time now. Do I want to keep doing what I'm doing or fully embrace what I love letting go what I only like. Yep, I can relate. :)